Two days ago...
Just woke up from a nap. It took me a second to realize what day it was, where I was, what I was supposed to be doing. Then it hit me...I had just dreamt about Grandma!
She wasn't in her bed or her wheelchair...She was walking, with HER legs! She was wearing her usual nightgown, he knee high stockings and her black SAS shoes. Typical Grandma attire. I couldn't figure out what house I was in, but I just remember her coming down the hallway, holding baby Adan in her arms. She was wiping his nose, telling me in spanish that he was getting a cold. I remember having this odd feeling, like something was wrong with this picture, yet I was completely at peace with it and remember thinking, "Just take this moment in, cherish it!" And that was it; I woke up.
Although I was only 12 years old when Grandma passed, I was extremely close to her. I remember several things: I remember sneaking away pieces of her tortilla masa that she had rolled out on the table, and her pretending she hadn't seen me. I remember giving her insulin shots in her belly earlier than 10 years old because everyone else was too scared to do it. I remember Noemi and I claiming her and her wheelchair as "base" and running to her every time we were chased my Joshua and Jeremiah because we had picked on them for some reason or another, and her just saying, "Vas a ver...you better leave them alone" to the boys...Noemi and I would just stick our tongues out the them because Grandma could no longer see by that time. I remember her getting after each aunt and uncle every time she would find out that they missed church that morning....that was always fun! And most of all, and what I miss the most, were the Sunday afternoon get-togethers we had at the house. All the laughter, all the joy and memories made; I remember, even at 12 years old, thinking that things will never be the same with her gone.
I often think about her. Would she like Chris? Would she be proud of what I have become, as a daughter, wife and mother? What would she think of this world? Would things have happened the way they have if she had been alive? I'm sure I am not the only one that has had these thoughts.
It's been 20 years since Grandma passed away. This past weekend, Chris and I along with some members of our Ward Choir sang the song Johnny wrote for her at our Stake Conference (Look To The Heavens And Live). It never fails, no matter how many years go by, and how many times I sing and perform this song, I always feel her spirit in the congregation. I get too emotional and it takes everything I have to finish the song. I know she is there listening to every word and I am so blessed to be able to feel and recognize that.
I am thankful for the knowledge I have of the gospel and to know that this dream does not end there. I know Grandma met every one of my children before they came to this life. I am so thankful to have the testimony of eternal life, and to know that one day, I will see her again, hold her again. And how wonderful it will be to see her looking at me, and walking beside me, free of pain. Til we meet again...
3 comments:
Blanca - I loved this post! Grandma passed away 2 weeks before I got married. We just celebrated our 20th and I always remember grandma and how many years it's been. You were brave to give her shots. I wouldn't. Debbie would have to do it. About a year ago I had dreamed of her. I called mom to tell her. It was so real. I could feel her hands stroking my arms . Her hands were always so soft. She talked to me and I remember thinking your gone but your right here. I didn't want to wake up but felt I was already awake. She was smiling, happy, and said all was well. And not to worry she was happy. I think sometimes we are blessed to have little glimpses of enlightenment and peace. I still miss her and grandpa. I think of them often. Thanks for sharing. I always giggle when I think of grandpa. I still can hear his laugh. It makes my heart sing!
Well dang Blanca! Leave to you to make a guy get all teary eyed & stuff! But thanks for sharing, I miss Grandma, can't wait to see her again.
im so late on commenting about this- but i wanted to say I have soem memories of grandma too, even though I was 7 when she passed..
i do remember runnign to her to save me when I was beign chased by the boys for messign with them, and she would always protect me:) i too rememebr stickign my tongue out cuz i knew she couldn't see lol. btu i also rememebr singing her favorite song to her often, "i am a child of god." it still makes me think of her when i hear it, and im sure i hope i'll sing it for her again someday..
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